How’s your level of Self-Love? There is one simple test you can run to see if you really do love yourself.
Do I desire or want or need anything from anyone?
And if the answer is yes, self-love is not total.
Your mind may now be spinning all kinds of objections, such as:
It’s very clear.
If you feel like you need something from someone – acknowledgement, validation, love, appreciation, gratitude – then you are not yet knowing yourself as the love that you are.
Because when self-love is total, it is not even that you love yourself, not truly. It is that you ARE love.
But you have – likely – become disconnected from that which you are and so you seek it externally.
Sometime after birth, looking out at the world and how it was responding to you, you made the error of believing the way the world responded to you was indicative of who you are.
You were abused, and so believed you were worthy of the abuse.
You were neglected, and so believed that there was something very wrong with you.
You were abandoned, and so believed that you had no value.
No matter what happened to you – and something happens to 99.9% of us – you took it personally. You believed that what happened, happened, because of who you were.
This error in logic set a cascading chain of events in place.
The belief you created was painful – there’s something wrong with me, I have no value, I’m unworthy, I’m unloved.
So you buried the belief deep, where you were not aware of it consciously anymore.
But still, you may not feel it consciously, but it is there. You are feeling it.
It guides your behaviours and your actions and your words. It comes to define how you are in the world.
And it festers – as feeling awful, feeling shitty, feeling not-right, deep within.
So you seek out comfort of whatever kind – relationships, sex, food, alcohol, drugs, shopping. Anything that can blot out the awfulness and make you feel good again.
Sometimes the actions we take and the comfort we seek is positive – we join the gym and work out and develop a beautiful physique, we apply ourself at work and become successful, we become the perfect partner, the perfect partner.
Then it looks like we’re doing well, and we might even feel some satisfaction and goodness about who we are and what we’ve done. We might even believe that we love ourselves.
But take away the body, take away the job, take away the success, take away the relationship and what happens?
We feel like absolute shit again. Our deep unworthiness is revealed. And we wonder what happened and who we are.
Only be turned inward, and journeying to find the original belief that you created to make sense of your world can you fully heal.
Only by feeling that original trauma, that original pain, that original belief can you finally be free of what is not true.
And when you do this – when you feel the pain of believing that ‘there’s something wrong with me, I have no value, I’m unworthy, I’m unloved’ – you will discover the untruth of this.
You will feel the love that you are.
And you will no longer seek outside of yourself for that which you are.
You will no longer need validation, approval, to be like or even to be loved.
That is Self-Love, knowing oneself only as Love.
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